I always argue with myself in everything. for example when I am reading notes or any sources, I would find the easiest way to understand, and I don't use the sentences from the reading page because I don't agree.
or sometimes when I have some feeling to somebody, I will keep arguing until I find out what do I not understand. but this time, I couldn't argue anymore.
tiap hari hati ini melalui hari hari yang sukar,
sehingga hati aku jadi sukar untuk melalui hari,
hati ini selalu resah dan dengan pelbagai perasaan yang lain,
tapi hati ini hati orang dewasa, hati orang biasa,
yang selalu menadah tangan meminta keampunan dari-Nya.
tanyalah khabar hati aku,
atau sekurang kurangnya tanyalah aku,
aku takan faham sebelum kehadiran kau,
dan mulai faham sejurus dan selepas kau hadir,
kerna kau sudah membuka hati aku yang lepas.
mungkin aku akan selalu menjaga hati ini,
mungkin sudah masanya aku yakinkan hati,
mungkin sempat aku lafazan untuk kau tahu,
bahawa sesuatu yang aku beri, aku takan ambil kembali.
"life is full of surprises" only happens to those who love to try something new in life I guess. sometimes, I feel like I want to be anyone I like to be. I put the role in me as if I am acting in a movie. I do whatever that would get me out of the reality, for a moment.
I tried many things in life; good or bad. I tried everything for reasons. I am still doing several things, which I don't think it is permanent, and it is so depressing. but I just wanted to feel free and happy.
you know when we have tried everything, we know what is the problems; why, and we know the solutions. but if we don't try to do or at least to listen carefully to the problems, we will hate the problems and get away from them. that's why there are many problems in this world without solutions.
days by days, I didn't remember how I started and I don't know how will this end. I have made huge mistakes to the people, animals, things I met and even myself. I know reclaiming is impossible and if it could, it is only a dream.
sometimes I feel I want to get back to where I started and restart again but life isn't as easy as games where you can get back to where you failed and start doing it again. once you failed in life, you failed. people will look at it as a failure. but you can always try again but not the same way as you started. so this semester I would try my best to spread good words or at least I don't make any mistakes anymore (that I realized) that might hurt others. still, I can't promise and when I am sorry, not all of you will forgive.
all of us will go and start a new phase of life and find their own way to start again but could all of us stay together as one after this?
aku rasa niat aku hanya untuk membantu, tetapi aku rasa aku silap. aku tidak sepatutnya membantu orang yang memang tak suka dibantu, atau orang yang suka dengan diri dia macam tu. mungkin sebab mereka sudah mempunyai pengalaman yang hebat hebat yang aku memang benar benar tak tahu. mereka tak perlu ke mana mana kerna pengalaman itu sendiri datang pada mereka. aku manusia biasa, kena keluar baru tahu apa itu dunia.
sebab dunia ni ada jahat ada baiknya. bukan baik sahaja.
I should have done something for my final year project but before I start my work tomorrow since after a long break (and I almost forgot what am I doing for my final year project, just because I have left it way too long) I would share something to myself.
"maybe this is the last one" I can't promise myself such thing. I made promise thousand times and it didn't work but it changed.
maybe I could help myself in different way though. til now, the support I talked about on previous entries won't seem to happen. I learnt something new that if you cannot get a support, get something to support yourself. you wanna know the secret?