Oct 30, 2014

jasa

kurang atau lebih kebanyakan manusia akan cenderung ke arah membalas jasa setelah budi diberi. jadi mana hilangnya ikhlas dan perintah tuhan. kadang kadang manusia terlalu jauh menyimpang, kerana terlalu banyak berfikir dan melawan. manusia akan berfikir dan mempersoalkan undang undang tuhan, malah ada yang melawan. 

jika semua jasa perlu dibalas, mana datangnya keindahan menjadi baik? mana datangnya naluri manusia untuk membantu dan akhirnya tiada siapa yang bertanggungjawab dengan kemusnahan akhlak dikalangan manusia. bukankah manusia itu dipertanggungjawabkan untuk menyebarkan rasa cinta keseluruh pelosok nadi dunia?

tapi ada yang kononnya benci itu lebih seronok disebarkan.

Oct 29, 2014

pengajaran

sesuatu yang berlaku tidak aku label pengajaran, tetapi apa yang membuatkan perkara itu berlaku. mungkin lebih kepada perkara yang negatif atau yang bodoh bodoh.

mungkin amalan berhadapan dengan manusia melalui medium yang semakin canggih ni pada aku tak masuk akal. kan mungkin wajar jika kau memaafkan aku kalau ada apa apa yang merosakan dalam apa apa medium yang aku cuba celup dan rasa. rasa bersalah tetap ada dan kau perlu maafkan aku bukan dengan cara itu rasa bersalah tu hilang, tetapi untuk aku lepaskan diri aku daripada disoal di alam akhirat nanti. apa apa yang dalam media sosial je aku mintak maaf ok. yang real belum sebab masih ego lagi. 

hehe takdelah, yang real nanti aku mintak maaf real ok.

Oct 27, 2014

dwindle a little

when you have enough what you have, the tendency of getting boast increases. I learnt something from my nature, I know what I can and cannot do. it is like a formula, formula of hacking life in certain extend. for example when life is giving you lemons, make lemonade. but of course there are a lot more but I am sure what I have right now is enough for me to feel grateful and thankful. I took every good events and positive words into account.

but I wonder, still, how could someone be so annoying by proposing their agenda to the world that their opinion and their experience are the greatest invention or history that world had ever had. do they share? but I don't see they share. they are more like centering themselves in every stories they tell. till now that is the code which I have no idea how to brake yet. but one day I will. because I think that is the problem that I can't handle in my daily life, and I am not sure it is my problem or their problem. but the problem starts within yourself, it is either you realize it or ignore it.

however it is, the problems are still there.

Oct 26, 2014

beautiful life

I am afraid of being lonely, being stranded in an island of nowhere. but being a sailor is a good idea. do you ever think how do sailors go to the sea for years, and what do you expect of what would happen in big mysterious ocean without knowing you will ever come to the land or not? 

one chinese proverb says "you can go to the mountain but not to the sea." (I don't know the validity of this because I heard from one of my friends during volunteer program). maybe people are not suggesting the ocean because if you don't know how to swim, you will die. I think the sailor has a good leadership, mostly on managing the water supply for drink. how much gallons of water supply do you expect on one ship to carry? it is different when you go to the mountain, you will definitely find water. 



now which do you prefer to be?

Oct 22, 2014

I want to feel that too

I guess if you wanna taste the beauty of life, you gotta be fearless.

having difficult time to understand sometimes people heart are softer than silk or what ever thing that you think it is soft. even though you see bad ass who think they are gangster in certain way, they do have soft heart as well. I think in million things we do, less than half that we appreciated. how could we appreciate all of them when some of them happened without our willingness? so here come the part where God told you to believe in destiny, to believe in Him, to believe that what ever happens to you has reasons which only He knows but not you.

I am fearless in majority of steps I took in my life, and in the end that just made me hopeless, because not everyone is with you and sometimes you are alone. I like to do something that is really really hardcore and bad as well. it comes to be hopeless when I find it hard to let those go. it feels like it is part of my life which I can't ignore and every time I try to ignore, the core of this came out and hold me tight. so tell me how do I taste the beauty of life by being fearless and hopeless.

and tell me how to ignore those shits. 

Oct 21, 2014

21 dan matang


you know it is kind of awkward moment when you never had a birthday celebration and you have it when you are 21. I don't know how to feel, how to react and what to do at all.

my age has already reached 21 and I need to do what 21 people gotta do. the problem is what do they do? haha. as I wish everyday is staying positive and do not get mad. because that is what I think "hablu minan nas" works. secondly, but not really a second wish but all of these are kind of related to each other, that is to be steadfast and learn Islam in a way that Rasul asked us to do. that one is "hablu minAllah" kind of business. these two is very crucial that makes me feel bad if I could not make it.

If I have to choose between numbers and words, I will choose words.

Oct 15, 2014

penat

Project proposal writing is in progress. I think this is not really as hard as kerja lapangan but i dont know why do I always get tired. Its like when you eat and after that you feel tired and you dont know what to do anymore in fact there are bundles of works you need to get it done. Its just this tired feelings that bothers me in recent days. I wake up late everyday and thats not me at all. I could get up easily before this and by recently having this wake-up-late kind of habit makes me sick.

I think i need to recalibrate my mind and body so they works together as one. I dont want my brain and my body work in different way because you have no idea what would happen if your brain or mind wont cooperate with your body.

I have no idea too

Oct 14, 2014

exist

past few days I have thought of getting a job, and married. well sometimes I feel I don't want to continue my study but I have no choice but to continue. and choosing where will I continue is always a problem.

rezeki kan, siapa tahu.

Oct 12, 2014

leaving

it isn't hard to leave. but for certain people, they don't consider our leaving is something usual. in certain extent, they consider our leaving as a protest, or something to do with getting attention. period.

I wonder how these kind of people are still exist. 

Oct 11, 2014

choosing

terlalu banyak pilihan dalam kotak pemikiran yang kadang kadang benda tersebut menjadi terlalu serabut untuk difikirkan.

for example of choosing in my life is always happening inside my head. my brain can process the melody of something but my heart doesn't appear to like it. it's even more complicated than to choose your meal while looking at the menu booklet in restaurant.

sometimes when I am listening to dancing musics, at the same time I want to listen to the instrumental, or emotional musics.

it is worse isn't? mentally worse.

Oct 8, 2014

mind set

"say is easier than done."

Some people keep saying to themselves, today should be better than yesterday. how do we define better? to me being able to blend with different kind of people is my challenge, and all the positives vibes passes to one and another is my objectives everyday. people might do mistakes, even we don't realize that we are actually making mistakes. remember that the purpose of my life is to have a strong relationship with God and be kind to people. but sometimes, I do it in a wrong way. 

Recently my mind keeps telling me that the positive vibes isn't the thing that you search for, but it is built in you. it is you who is responsible to tell the world that I am positive, and I want you to be positive as well. 

Well sometimes my definition of positive is beyond what is it and I do mistakes. a lot. so I do hope that all of the people who know me, forgive and forget what I have done. because this is not Hari Raya, so I wish you Happy October. 

10 days to go and I will be 21.

menulis

"Saya catat setiap perkara yang buat saya gembira pada setiap hari sebelum tidur dalam buku kecil saya. Saya harap suatu hari nanti ketika saya bersedih saya akan baca semula apa apa yang ada dalam buku kecil saya."

Tapi kalau gua, gua ingat je. Sebab gua malas nak menulis.

Oct 6, 2014

usah dibiar

Meletak tinggi diri sendiri dan mengganggap rendah cerita lain padahal member niat nak berkongsi sahaja. Tak kesian ke kat member tu?

Manusia macam ni memang usah dibiar hidup. hapuskan. hehe

Oct 4, 2014

dalam

dalam banyak banyak perkara, antara benda yang paling gua benci adalah rasa bersalah dan kesalahan itu membawa kepada persoalan adakah aku dibenci? tapi kalau dimaafkan, perkara tu yang paling seronok sekali.

betul bukan?

Oct 1, 2014

cabaran

"cabaran bagi manusia yang positif adalah manusia yang negatif." - gua

tapi orang yang baru nak belajar jadi positif macam gua ni, berhadapan dengan manusia negatif tu bukan lagi cabaran, tapi tengok muka dari 10 kilometer jauh je pun dah hilang terus positif gua.

macam mana nak jadi positif? 

hari yang kecil

Saya rasa dunia ini tidak adil. Bertahun saya mencari resipi untuk tidak dinodai kemarahan diakhiri dengan kemarahan yang amat. Saya memendam rasa yang sepatutnya saya luahkan selama mana yang saya mampu untuk lakukan. Tapi hari ini mengajar saya apa itu erti benci. Dahulu saya merasakan bahawa membenci seseorang itu maksudnya menumbuk di muka ataupun menghancurkan kebahagiaan orang yang saya benci. Tetapi hari ini, Tuhan telah tunjukan pada saya maksud benci itu adalah kemarahan yang timbul di dalam diri saya sendiri sedangkan yang dibenci itu hanya gembira melihat saya memendam rasa.

Tetapi saya belum cukup bodoh, setelah bertahun kajian saya tentang momen yang terjadi dan secara tidak sengaja melintasi sepotong ayat yang menyatakan tenaga negatif yang kita salurkan pada alam adalah tidak baik untuk diri saya sendiri, saya tidak lagi membenci malah saya lebih menyukai orang yang saya benci selama ini.

Benci datangnya daripada cemburu, tapi saya masih belum jumpa ubat untuk mengubati perasaan cemburu ini.