because I don't think I deserve

I hate.
but I cannot say what is it.

I am not against to greet by wishing salaam (peace),
because I don't think I deserve.

I know people will be like, Allah will accept your repentance bro,
but I will never accept what I have done, in my life.

because what ever good deeds I do,
I always feel dirty, and questioning to myself who am I to do good deeds.
I don't think I deserve.

but one day (which Allah knows better) if I will ever change to be bad again,
and then I would think I don't deserve to do sin anymore.

because when you're in doubt, in love, and heartbroken.
the answer is always to think, what you think you deserve.