Jun 8, 2013

obsession

this was me back in years I don't remember. I was really bad at something, I wasn't sure if I was bad, or things that happened to me were not acceptable and so then I felt bad. I never blamed on anyone, in exceptional occasion I did. but in matter of my decisions, what I had decided was always went wrong at somewhere. til now, I dunno what I had felt once before would happen down the road.

I happened to be a needed person, which were you too I supposed. I wanted to be a great man, with full of ideas that matters, not only in my studies but in extension, my life. but I have a restriction, boundaries and challenge, I called it 'sickness'. yes I have a lot of mental disorder by the way, well I don't want to talk about it anyway. I am always surrounded by people who looked foolish for the first thought, but they weren't at the journey. I called them foolish as I am too. I can get used to them, or maybe use them for extent. but they can get out of my term, as they wish. because foolish makes people curious, at the same time, annoyed.

that's too much for the introduction. here we go, the obsession. one secret, which it seems not too extreme in case, I have what I called it, 'a come and go obsessive mind situation'. as simplest as I can, I have those. but I can't always help it. it's like, a snatcher together with his hand watch. when the time has come, the snatcher will do their job and run away from me, as I turn it back he is already gone. I know I could find track on him, but it's too many to carry.

"you don't love me, all you are with your obsession." - Radio.

at the moment I realized that, I have too much matters to be obsessed. I couldn't let it out, I couldn't just let the snatcher keep snatching my obsessions. I need to carry on, even with loads on my back. not only for my particular year, but my whole life I would add. and for you my dear, sorry I have to say,



"in a matter of obsession and love, I rather want to be obsessed than get in love, with no idea how love works on you.".

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