lihat dunia

    
pujian itu ,
kadang aku tak mampu tanggung bebannya,
kerana pujian itu sangat berat sebenarnya. 

aku tak kisah sebenarnya kerana,
yang akan mendakwa aku nanti,
hanyalah Allah yang Esa. 

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tak boleh

mana boleh turn back time. but in your head, what else could you do exactly. setiap malam sebelum aku tidur, aku akan cakap sikit "esok aku nak bangun pagi dengan semangat yang baru." but what strength do I have? 
I feel like they don't love me anymore. if I am to be positive all the way, aku boleh cakap maybe sejak dah ada commitment lain, perhaps they are too tired to care about me. 
sejak dari dulu, aku masuk boarding school di ceruk Negeri Sembilan, Daerah Jempol. you could reach there by bus, or train. and nak ke sekolah aku took another 30 minutes from stesen bas. boleh kira guna jari berapa kali they come and visit me. aku tak kisah pun sebab aku pun malas sebenarnya nak suruh diorang datang redah jalan yang entah pape tu semata mata nak tengok aku. but deep inside, aku nak diorang datang. sekarang, it has been 3 years aku kat Terengganu and they never visit me. as usual, when they asked me "nak datang tak?" aku jawab "takpe ah.", dalam hati &q…
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cubit pipi kau

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you will learn things in life. feeling is the first thing you will learn, and forever learnt. it is not easy to say something you have gone through, the pain, the happiness and for sure the appreciation. for me, pain and happiness are the basic things that will everyday happen to us. but how much you appreciate the feeling does matter.

I tried to neglect all the pain I get, and tried to cover it up with happiness. well, I could say if no one makes you happy why not you make yourself happy?

I have tried this one thing that has blown up my mind in total. smiling. I was not a smiling person in real and in any of the social media as well. it is not easy to smile when you are tired, fucked up or even when you are mad but I kept practicing myself to smile, even I don't have a really nice smile but that is. through time, I found it interesting, beautiful. you can make a stranger smile back at you with your little stare and smile and sometimes smiling can be a starter for any strangers to…
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Stop

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you know you can't but you tried.
you know you're broken but you continue.
you know you don't have chances anymore.
so now, please stop, Arif.

stop
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faham tak

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memilih untuk berdiri sekecil kuman ; kerana diri ini bukanlah sebesar mana di sisi Tuhan ; selebihnya cuba melompat keluar daripada cubaan ; yang kadang kadang bukan jelas dan terang mungkin ; aku salah perasaan tentang nafsu amarah inginkan ; sesuatu terlalu payah untuk lepaskan ; kau sudah berjaya mengambil tempat yang mana kesan ; kesan pembunuhan kau dahulu masih tersisa pada kain lapik tempat yang kau lampirkan ; dan jangan sesekali kau memilih untuk melepaskan apa yang aku katakan ; kerana semuanya berkaitan keseluruhannya.

salam sayang, nafsu persetubuhan.
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