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Showing posts from 2012

welcome to 20 year old party

when you see a chance of going further in life, you make a step. and how if I told you were wrong? a journey starts with a single step. waiting for chances to come in life, is wasting time. make your step while people don't and that would make you different. 


I'm going to have a big change in life, as I grow 20, I figured out my past quite immoral, immature, light thinking and sort of boring with irrational thing I had done. it is well, a good experience for us for making a better future. I somehow remember what I read from my friend's book saying that "good experiences come from bad decision, and good decisions come from bad experiences." well, not everyone has to do mistakes, but in sense of human being, some of us are not well-experienced in life, so this come the purpose of understanding.

love. if you have never fell for someone, I assume you are wrong. beautiful, is what people thought in a first place when we're talking about love. few years back I have learnt many things about love, for me we can't easily confess love because it is the biggest part in life that would color our future. with who are you, is who you are. we can't neglect feelings but we can hold still and think for a moment and take all consideration before you show off your feelings. a question for more clear


"Is this love comes from lust(Nafs) or not?".

the time has come and 20 years is enough for me to grow up and make a new life. take a step and keep walking, if you're down, Allah is the first place to bear in your mind and then you may come to your parents and friends. it's not wrong to share but it is importance to talk to your Creator first before consulting to people because He is the One who knows your deep heart better and He is the One who cares about you 70 times more than your mother does. so do talk to Him, share problems as you share on your Facebook and Twitter.

and always remember life ain't always what we think it ought to be. because the real life is not here, it is in the Paradise.


welcome to 20 year old party.

anguish anger

one thing when I hate some people.
I never like them anymore.


so don't make me pissed

bersedia?

manusia berfikir berpandukan pengalaman yang ada pada diri dia. dan aku lebih suka melihat bagaimana cara orang berfikir selain daripada cara manusia berinteraksi dan meluahkan emosi sebab aku tahu bakat berkomunikasi dan menyampaikan idea bukan ada pada semua orang tetapi pada yang telah diberi oleh-Nya. Sebab itu jangan menilai pada kulit buku. 


sebenarnya aku letakan satu jangka masa yang panjang dalam rancangan hidup aku. aku berhadapan banyak keajaiban daripada kau, dan kau tak perlu menundukkan aku dalam situasi yang mana aku tak sanggup mejatuhkan kau lebih dari yang kau mampu fikirkan. jadi aku rasa masa ni sesuai aku melangkah sedikit terpesong, dan kau akan tunduk malu dengan apa yang akan berlaku.

aku tak minta kau berhati hati dalam mencari identiti aku sebab aku pun belum habis meneliti apa yang ada pada diri aku. O Allah guide me. Ameen.

terima kasih jadi bahan eksperimentasi aku.

attendance


when options ain't available anymore.
participate in thinking the Deen.

we talk about Islam but we judge people through appearance. 

I do sins too, trying to not to do it again.
I failed.

created world

when I think again about myself, I feel wrong in somewhere I don't know. the pains I am carrying, those should be carried by people too. yet understanding isn't in their list. 


I have found a new world, which is created by human's right regulated by rules and conquering the new order. I somehow slipped down in the middle of the crowd. because I can't stand up and see what's going on then I manage to sit and recall, because I have no strength to creep. 

sadness, the world looks down on me, neglects my views, ignores my presence at the time of judging and blaming are all the way. yes they don't cause harm but still harmful. 

O Allah, let the people see and understand what is the main purpose of life and differentiate life and Islam in sense of applying the right, ignoring the wrong and correct the most hard circumstances in life. O Allah, give me and my family, people who knows me, understanding of Islam, strength to apply the real Islam in life, and knowledge of Your Power. Ameen.

be steadfast.

actually

this time you bear in your mind.

I am not usually a happy person. If I do, I will then regret. and when I'm mad, I'd do anything stupid, that would make myself happy. and yes, I'd do it alone.

so don't make me start again. please.

rasa

pernah satu ketika aku menjadi terlalu bodoh membuat keputusan yang mana kesannya boleh dirasai sehingga kini aku tak pasti berapa banyak lagi yang perlu aku hadapi. ini rasa cinta, atas dasar sahabat, pertalian darah dan yang mungkin lebih dari itu. cinta seperti ini aku sisipkan dalam mulut aku supaya aku dapat rasa dengan perlahan bagaimana perasaan itu akan hilang.



"aku simpan seribu rasa yang tidak pernah kau ambil peduli sehingga tiba satu masa, sudah tiada lagi rasa untuk dirasa tiada." - izzati


yes it is all there


the world; composed of fake and real
composed of honesty and betrayal. 
composed of beauty and ugly.
composed of love and hate.
composed of you and me.

it is how you describe it.

emosional psikologis


bukannya hidup ini mudah digambarkan. apabila bersuara tentang cinta, aku boleh rebah dalam kata kata, berdirinya aku longgar, hampir jatuh, pegangan aku pada yang rapuh, hampir hancur. cinta yang dibazirkan pada satu perempuan yang aku sendiri telah berikan hampir seluruh kehidupan aku padanya. aku mula lemah dalam pegangan, rintitan dari peristiwa kau dan aku mula bersama. sehingga aku dewasa, sehingga aku rasa tawar dalam bercinta. rasanya sekarang, aku boleh menjadi diri aku sendiri tetapi aku yakin sedetik aku paparkannya, bukan aku yang akan meninggalkan aku. tetapi kau kau dan kau. aku letakan diri aku di antara sepi dan realiti. aku lebih mengkaji perkembangan hidup ini apabila diri aku berpura pura mati, bangun kembali dalam satu perbahasan yang mana tiada siapa yang melawan dan tiada siapa yang menang. aku pemain dan aku pengadil. jadi hidup ini lebih adil apabila kau sedar di mana letaknya diri kau pada pandangan situasi yang kau sendiri cipta untuk suatu masa nanti, boleh untuk diimbas kembali. jadi aku ini skeptikal kerana aku ini tiada lebihnya dan hampir tiada apa. ah, di mana aku berada sebenarnya?

pernah rasa hidup di antara? 

hidangan masa hadapan


berbicara tentang satu peristiwa yang mana suatu ketika dahulu kau sendiri yang memilih hidup kau sendiri pada masa hadapan. apa yang kau berdiri sekarang ialah apa keputusan yang kau bulatkan. menilai sesuatu sendiri bukannya salah tetapi mendiskripsi penilaian sendiri yang menjadi masalah. aku kecilkan perkara ini dalam diri aku yang memang sesuai dengan diri aku yang mana berdirinya aku tak setinggi berdirinya pendirian aku sendiri. tetapi aku juga memilih sesuatu untuk diketengahkan kepada umum yang mana kesinambungan penilaian dan perspektif bukannya perlu dirumus secara jelas tetapi sesuatu apabila aku atau kau tak pasti dengan kedudukan sesuatu itu, elok disimpan rapi untuk rujukan. berdiam lebih baik bukan?

orang kata semalam itu sejarah, hari ini hadiah dan esok sesuatu yang misteri akan berlaku.

thoughts

"I have a story. a story that will torture your thought by day and poison your dreams by night."
might've laughed? when worlds end where are you to go? most people doesn't believe, but when what I heard before, when I was a child is totally happened. I also don't believe, weak in faith. but the style is different. how worth we show who we are to people, how much attention will u have?


once it was alienated and it will be alienated : and we won't run over time, destruction is happening and it won't stop. we happened to promise, but we don't know what we are promising. we are blind in rush, we are pushed and follow the instructions of human. so the hearts break and showed off anger. but who are we in the time of their laughing? we are too small to fight the changes. but we have the Greatest that we forget. u think, my thoughts.

manusia


mencari yang indah semuanya. baik, memang dalam tugas mendiskripsi manusia memerlukan entri yang bertahun lamanya. mustahil aku boleh lakukan semua itu dalam satu entri yang kurang dari 15 minit. cuma aku mahu mengenengahkan apa yang di tepi yang dalam aku keluarkan bila masa semua sedar tentang diri mereka sendiri. aku? aku tahu diri aku siapa dan kau perlu kenali diri kau sendiri dahulu sebelum kau mengenali aku.

kau kaitkan semuanya dengan cinta, pernah kau ambil kira kira tentang masalah dunia? atau aku sempitkan lagi luas pemikiran aku untuk kau dalam perkara kehidupan seharian kau? kau bercinta, kau lupa diri kau sebenarnya bila kau letakkan cinta tu yang pertama. secara jujur aku pun pernah terluka, untuk pengalaman berdarah yang aku rasa bodoh untuk aku lalui sebenarnya. tapi aku tak letakkan cinta tu yang pertama, sebab bila kau letakkan ia di tempat yang pertama. kau akan lupa dunia, kau lupa siapa diri kau yang sebenarnya. cukuplah tu, aku benci kalau kau tertekan sebab cinta, sebab cinta bodoh yang kau rasa ia berkekalan sampai syurga, yang kau rasa boleh buat kau bahagia, yang boleh mengembalikan semangat kau, yang boleh mengubah nasib kau, yang... eh kau dah boleh blah.

ini cinta bukan cinta akan Nya.

reliable

dark can't be measured. dark will always come when there's no light.
machine doesn't need any extra parts, every each of the components hv its own function.
u can't count 3 after 1.

short thought

once i thought i could go far away and ignoring the distance,
but i did realize the symphony of yours, hangs and gets weaker.
i didn't turn up the light bulb, i don't want to.

one thing to be remembered again, together. life is not always what we think it ought to be.

hide your identity


sometimes we see what people can't. but definitely, u could have been judged by your sight. opinions are sometimes worthy, but when it brings u down, u would go down. so sometimes when u r about to see something, just hide and see nothing.

sesuatu yang aku lepaskan

futuristic, what r u thinking about? early scientists were called crazy because of thinking about an impossible thing. we can step on the moon, yes we did, even to mars. everything seems beautiful and well arranged. but what a about love and destiny? i thought something impossible to happen can eventually do happen. but at the middle of the road, why it seems to fail? i keen to know how much u  put ur honesty on your words? i died to give u alive. but that was too stupid la why i didnt even see that. my friends are right, I shud move on and forget everything in d past. i learn to be a fu*king annoying person here, because I don't wanna let them know who i really am.

very wild young concept


perception is contagious. you could be a head, or follower. but when you experienced the thing that made up life isn't that easy as you thought, practicing Islam for the whole, think and pray. and you wouldn't have to be either two. you don't have to be a judge to say which one is right and wrong. because when you do you would fall in the crowd. it's a principle that I never lose, because I don't belong to any party, I have chosen my way, maybe a little bit longer than what you would expect but when the time come, there's nothing to be surprised with.

in matter of style, swim with the current. in matter of principle, stand like a rock.

something I never forget

when u are having some problems, where do you channel it through? I figure out that sometimes I do silly imagination that hurts me a lot. you know, thinking about future when u consider all the possibilities, what you have by now and it's very, s surprise. who never cry. O Allah, I can't be hypocrite but I can't find way outta here. people, environment, and the important one is the decision I made for the promises. I don't know, I don't know. please show me the way.

future

once in life, you might have something that u would not ever forget it. brings you back when you are facing the situation that similarly happened. different people, different poetry, different story, different kind of memories. but all of them are still one, which change thoughts and life gradually.

maturity, in certain circumstances you would face, there are always be a lessons for you to think and learn about. going thru life without learning anything is such a wasted. you might be strong, tightened with all of the problems. or you might be the other way, and u feel down and like falling. whatever it is, one thing me and you should remember that not all difficult things happen but you have to face it, with any predictions, anything would happen. preparation, for future. best of luck.

with the Glorious name of Allah.


'arif,


going through life is not easy at all. it's like an endless storyline. u can't create the dialogue, or even summarize it. because it's done very well before u have known it. well, new chapter, new step I have made.

 start off the day, future.

when no longer updated

means 'busy'

biological timing

I don't know what is exactly that term. but mine, has messed up.

I'm not a robot

I have feelings. people do. sometimes some of these feelings, they kill me, I can't move on to another part of my life, I'm fucked up. I always wish that there's no tomorrow, because I wan't to sleep and not to be disturbed by the day. and sometimes I wish there's no tonight, because I wan't to be with you when I feel tomorrow is there a hope for you and me to get together.

study, sunshine. see you in the paradise baby.

motivation

well, for a quite a while I didn't make an entry about my strength in my study. I feel lost sometimes with these feeling all about life, color. I would say that adolescent is not an enjoyable time but about a period of development before entering an adulthood. wiki says it is a transitional stage of physical and mental human development generally occurring between puberty and legal adulthood.

this means a lot of situation should be faced and all these develop the maturity of someone. but mentally is the most important part of this. some of the teens would say that this is the time when we should try everything that old man can't do which they would be. mental plays a big role for this situation, how to channel and adapt the situations to great solutions.

through my observation, feeling about love and having a partner for this extend is not acceptable. they wouldn't be too serious in that matter, they just want to try and that may put them into a big problems.

and for advising me myself, love is just only for Allah by now we have been deceived by world. u say u can't live without her but yes u are still living after she dumped u. seek for Allah's love is more appreciable and u have to find the way how u can meet Him without any fear in the hereafter.

faham tak

memilih untuk berdiri sekecil kuman ; kerana diri ini bukanlah sebesar mana di sisi Tuhan ; selebihnya cuba melompat keluar daripada cubaan ; yang kadang kadang bukan jelas dan terang mungkin ; aku salah perasaan tentang nafsu amarah inginkan ; sesuatu terlalu payah untuk lepaskan ; kau sudah berjaya mengambil tempat yang mana kesan ; kesan pembunuhan kau dahulu masih tersisa pada kain lapik tempat yang kau lampirkan ; dan jangan sesekali kau memilih untuk melepaskan apa yang aku katakan ; kerana semuanya berkaitan keseluruhannya.


salam sayang, nafsu persetubuhan.

sebab itu kami kosongkan jiwa kami

aku diam bukan aku tak suka politik. aku cuba tak mahu terjebak dalam permusuhan, perdebatan yang aku sendiri tak faham. dan tak semestinya aku diam, aku tak tahu.


teruskanlah bergaduh, biar masalah selesai sendiri.

interception

dilahirkan kembali

satu tujuan, semua akan ke arah tujuan mereka. untuk apa mereka dilahirkan? mereka sesat dalam alam yang nyata dan maya. terperangkap dengan masa. ditipu dengan material yang berkata - kata. tahu tetapi kurang percaya. ini bukan kelahiran semula.

"ah, aku sibuk!"
agama bukan diamalkan ketika lapang.
dahulu, mereka sibuk dengan perkara ghaib sehingga lupa akan yang nyata.
tapi kita, sibuk dengan perkara nyata sehingga lupa akan kelahiran semula.

sekarang keadaan telah terdesak, kecuali mereka yang memilih akan kesesakan untuk sesuatu yang pasti, dan pasti.

latihan minda, buat kira - kira guna pensel bukan guna kata - kata.